What is Friendship?
November 12, 2005
celineseryatpeng
Maybe.. maybe different people have different kinds of mindsets abt "friendship" and the qualities they look for in a "best friend" might be worlds apart too.. but ultimately.. who can tell me in the most simple words.. What is Friendship?
To me.. "Friendship" means a kind of bonding that each person has with one another and you’ll find yourself doing lots of things with this person, has alot of common stuffs to talk about or do together… and as this bond grows stronger with time (together), that special someone becomes your "Best Friend" or "Buddy". But what if things go wrong? Nomatter what happens, I’m someone who will not give up my friendship with that person just like that… and I absolutely hate it when people tells me that maybe, we shldn’t be friends at all when things go all wrong.. Is this the perfect solution to solve things? Will leaving makes things better btw us? I don’t think so.. the last thing you shld do when a Friendship goes out of hand is to abandon it and leave… this way not only will you give the person who’s being "abandoned" the feeling that all these years of friendship and bonding aren’t the least precious and worthy at all..
I once had people come telling me to change.. to change for the better… which I did.. but one of them is unable to see my efforts made and how much a point I’ve made to ensure that I will not repeat the same mistake again that to her, I’m "doing it" again.. I dont wan her to think that I’m getting mad over small little pepper fry things again (which Im absolutely wasnt) so I did all I could to not get angry at all nomatter what she did (to me or to others).. I strive to maintain this friendship so hard that sometimes I wld stop to tink if its even gettin anyware at all.. or is it just my wishful thinkin?? ‘cos when things go out of hand, all I did was to keep quiet as I’m afraid that by saying out how I feel, she might be angry just like what happened this time round… Actually what I could have done a long time ago is to tell her what we hope that she can improve on and not getting worst and worst… bt i didnt and I regretted it.. if Friends can really just accept people for the way they are and still love them, then seriously.. Friendship will never be as complicated as Relationships already.. and they’ll be so perfect! If you wana like a person just the way she is, then why bother to tell her to change at all?? So y bother to tel me years ago to change?? Isnt it for my own good? Exactly! And then now when others wld love to see you change smetin abt urself, y do you wana flare up and say that why must we be so petty to be angry over such matters at u then? There’s smetin tat you probly shld understand.. there’s always a limit to everything… and when it starts to seem like a habit of urs already, we as your friends, the least tat we SHLD do is to tell you whats wrong and hope that you can just listen and tink abt it.. not flare up and shut yourself up from everyone and then start thinking that nobody understands you or will ever try to understand you…
Many years ago, people asked me to change.. people whom now are my Sisters.. as I felt that my change would improve our friendships and for my own good, so i decided to change, for the better… I make it a point to listen and tink over wat they say.. Is it true tat i have a nasty temper? So I asked ard.. and indeed i am! So i began to tink over what i shld do whn Im starting to feel angry or wat i cld have done or said if i did smetin wrong… The efforts tat i put in to "tink", "research", "plan" and evntualy "react" are sme that none of you can giv me a recognition for and grateful for.. bt I knw tat i did it for my own gd.. so whether you see my efforts or not, it doesnt matter.. as long as you’ve seen the result.. tats all tat matters.. if people can really accept others for the way they are, then things will be so much easier and simpler… But sadly.. reality is always not the case.. when you tell someone what you don like abt him/her, you must be prepared for the worst kind of situation.. and when you choose not to tell that person, you must also be prepared that he/she is most likely to become worst and worst.. but I blame myself for not telling this person earlier, then things might not have been so wrong now…
No matter what in the end, i still love this friend ‘cos there are other attributes abt her that makes her worthy.. I will not leave a friend just becos she’s not good enuff cos basically, there’s no perfect man in this world.. its the pros and cons of each diff person that bonds them together.. just like a jigsaw puzzle.. no alike pieces can ever match with one another.. and its exactly this kind of indifferences that compliments each other and created Friendship..
Friends need to cme out to destress together.. talk and catch up.. joke and mess ard.. have fun by spending time together and "nurture" the bond.. what is going to happen if you just cant seem to get a person to come out with you and sme other close friends to share things? When this person means so much to you then the others, yet you are unable to be there for her when she’s having the worst day of her life and you are unable to share the happiness and joy of mixing ard with a group of fun-loving friends with her, you’ll feel terrible but there’s notin you can do cos she chose not to come out to share her woes o happiness with you.. But no matter wat, to me, friends will always be friends of mine… whether you choose to cme out wif me all the time and grow our bonding closer and closer together OR you choose to cme out just once in awhile to keep the friendship going.. I still have friends who arent very close to me in the sense now, calling me up once in awhile just to seek my advices on their relationships or to just plainly confide in me… and I’m so glad that they called.. cos a friend in times of need is a true friend.. and I’m happy that they treat me as one.. so I’m sure that one day, shld I ever need their help, they’ll be more than happy and willing to spare me a listening ear and talk to me.. anytime i need them to cos tis is exactly what I can give to them when they needed me..
If you choose to lock yourself up and restrain yourself from the chance to allow others to solve your problems not FOR you, but WITH you.. then there’s really nothing much we as your friends can do about… cos GOD will only help those who help themselves.. I once read a verse from a book which I felt is very useful to my marriage and even in relationships with people whether they are your friends or families.. it says "No one can make you unhappy unless you allow them to.." Which after giving it much thought, it is so true! But its so difficult to master it cos most of the time esp for myself, I tend to be so easily affected by how others feel that before I knew it, Im cryin with them.. when they’re happy, I laugh with them.. when they’re angry, i flare up with them.. sometimes I feel that maybe I’m trying too hard to be a perfect friend… that’s why so many things crop up.. so its time that I dont be so particular abt smetin or smeone anymre and learn to take a step back comfortably to enjoy the sensation of a friendship that "grows naturally" without "over-nurturing" or adding in too much ingredients and making the initial beauty and the original flavour of the friendship disappeared… if smeone cmes tellin me that I shld change (again), can I tell just them this? –> "I wont.. Please… just accept me the way I am cos that’s why you chose to be my friend in the 1st place. So pls don try to change anytin anymre…" I tell you.. the ans is NO! I can tell you very frankly that if 9 years ago, I had not changed and done smetin abt my temper, I will lose alot of friends now… so people, nobody can actually tell you what to do and what not to do.. you have to gauge and see for yourself that by doing what they wan you to do, what wld be the most likely result? If aft what you’ve changed wont make things better, then stop.. but if the ending result is the beginning of a stronger and newly improved friendship, y not?? By all means.. go ahead with full speed and do smetin… not to amaze others but yourself… by de way.. there’s no harm trying and its FOC!
But what happens if your temper gets worst and worst from mild to hot without you yourself knowing it? And what happens if smeone tells you and you don like what you hear? In an approach to defend yourself, you start pointing fingers at others and refusing to realise that MAYBE there really is smetin that you shld do but have not done yet! As much as the saying goes "Good words are the most difficul to digest"… just brood on it and think for awhile.. it doesnt hurt at all to just think over what others have to say abt urself.. this is called "Inter-personal skills"… to observe and listen to other’s opinions, not from an objective but subjective point of view… if it helps you to become a better person and also improve your relationships with others ard you, I dont see any reasons y you shldnt give it a shot?
Sometimes i feel that i’m always the devil to be doin all the "complainings" and the representative to say all the "we’re uhappy wif u abt smetin" kind of tings… nobody understood y im doin all these.. i feel tat I do not need to explain myself too much cos time will tell altho it waits for no man.. bt seriously, its nt for myself man.. its for YOU whom we hope to see improvement on… instead of allowing the situation to sink in deeper and worsen, I wld rather choose to be the devil and do smetin right abt it.. And of cos aft which you can choose to listen or not to listen.. but Im reali nt complainin u knw.. I’m just tryin to make you see hw things wld be much better if you can refrain fm doin certain things agn… If you can just step out of the box and see things from the whole picture itself..
Anyway.. let the devil be me and let me be the devil ‘cos if things turn out to be better eventually.. i don mind hw people misunderstood my meanings now and I will never mind cos seriously… "Anything for you my Friend…"
Just rem this… "A bad day can be bad enuf for you but it can be better if you wan it to… And we will always be there for you… As long as you allow us to…"
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